Restless and Lazy Ambition: The Journey 2

That’s really the best way that I can describe it.

I want to accomplish some things on my list. So many goals and dreams that sometimes I wonder if I’m crazy thinking I can do it all.

But then for various reasons, I run into excuse after excuse (or how I’d like to call it a “reason” instead of “excuse” because the word “excuse” sounds like I don’t care but I do) of why I can’t make real progress in them.

After graduating with my master’s degree this past May, I was so determined to finally carry on with my life of all the goals I set before myself. I felt ambitious. I felt determined. I felt anxious to get started.

I feel into a rut.

Weird.

How could I feel so amped and ready to go but then fallen into this ditch of a rut?

Now granted I did have some shifts happening in my personal life that may have had some influence on it. Going from engaged to single can be a quite a transition. So maybe I should cut myself some slack.

Nah can’t do that.

Because I expect more out of myself. These are dreams and goals that I’ve had for YEARS. Nothing should get in the way of that. I should be amped and ready to go. My relationship status doesn’t define who I am. I define who I am.

But these reasons *ahem* excuses kept rearing up their ugly head and I just kind of paused. I began to roll with the punches. And before I knew it I looked up and found that I was just floating. Passively living.

I don’t like that. Life is too short. There are people MY age that are dying every day (RIP Ray). I can’t get to heaven tonight and know that I haven’t done nothing down on earth that has positively left an impact on my community and others (at least to the extent that I want it to).

I think we all get to a stage like this. I refuse to believe I’m alone. That there are other people my age that go through this. Where we get through a huge defining moment of life and then our momentum just stopped. We find ourselves in a rut. We start passively living day to day without much real direction.

We settle.

And one thing I don’t like doing…is settling.

“Aim for more, because settling isn’t an option”. That’s the tagline I gave this blog a long time ago.

So perhaps that’s where my restlessness is coming from. I’m settling into the day to day life without much direction. Just standing still only to bend a bit when life throws something my way. But you thrive best with a plan, with a vision, with goals that are structured to challenge your next steps. It’s best when you’re moving and not just standing still waiting for things to happen.

I’ve made cute attempts at creating a stable plan in moving forward, but they would only last a few days or maybe a week if I’m lucky. It was all because I wasn’t dedicated to it.

But with today, I must do better. I must be better. I must expect better. Settling for anything less than an extraordinary life is not worth it. I want to be everything that God intended me to be and use all the talent and skills He gave me to the best of my ability. Life doesn’t just fall into place. You have to take over the controls and be in control with God directing your path.

I don’t know what you would call this moment. But this is a moment for me to make a shift.

It’s time to shift.

I want to encourage anyone that is feeling restless knowing good and well that they should be out here thriving. Push through!

You may not have much energy and you may feel apathetic due to many different reasons but God never intended for you to just live a life where you just chill. I believe that God has called us all to live an extraordinary life full of purpose and meaning that is not defined by our earthly careers and paychecks.  You were not created to just live, work, pay bills, procreate, and die. There’s so much more to life than that.

So let’s make this journey great and move forward. I’m going to begin putting my full effort and I’m always up for having some accountability partners. If you’re interested,  leave a comment so that others can see your commitment and email me (rchlanderson[at]outlook.com) to be a part of a group that I’m creating (more details later). A part of my accountability is just simply blogging about it. I’m not too worried about page views and likes blah blah but more so to push myself and push others to do the same with their lives.

Let’s make the most out of life.

Let’s be our best selves.

Let’s aim for more.

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4 comments

  1. I would love to be a part of your accountability group. I too am stuck in a rut & having a hard time pulling myself out if my comfort zone. I am ready to explore new opportunities & find something that I’m passionate about. I hope we both can push through this shift change. Good luck & nice post!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Candy! Woo-hoo! Glad to hear it. I’ll be writing more about journey. Please continue to chime in within the comments section or via email. Whatever works. Thanks for reading.

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  2. Hey Rachel … I went from engaged to single as well and it took the Grace of Good (plus having to force myself to live life intentionally to get out of the rut!) … Thankfully I did not expose my relationship at the time to the public on social media (I still get people asking 2 yrs on “when is the wedding” – did not realise how good I was at separating my personal life). Ensure you delete things that will trigger unnecessary memories and remind yourself that the fact you broke up is evidence it will not work (keep it moving). And no you do not need to call or check up to see if he is okay (trust me he is). Even when you feel the tears (it is okay to cry too) or get those normal cravings of wanting to be held by yours or the support/encouragement of a partner just remind yourself that this phase will pass. Get to rebuilding yourself (no one wants a broken person), loving yourself and being your own best friend again. Surround yourself with family & friends when necessary. All of these including focusing on my faith helped me personally. You will be just fine dear. Sorry for the long reply (guess I remember when I was were you are) …

    Liked by 1 person

    • Wow thank you for just taking the time to post this. I think you made a lot of excellent points of what a person should remember when going from engaged to single. I would recommend all of those myself. My situation was rather unique I would say lol It’s not the typical story. Maybe I’ll write about it but I haven’t made a big announcement on social media regarding the break up. In fact this may be the first and only post I’ve made that actual mentioned it so I definitely know what u mean of getting questions still about when is the wedding. It was a transition nonetheless and who knows what will happen in the future. I’m rather positive and secure about everything. But I really appreciate your comments. A lot of women go through this and it can be a very challenging time.

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